why

why do i have such trouble finding the one for me? why is the 'one' so elusive? i have searched an waited and I'm tired of it all. i played the games, followed the rules, tried to make others happy, and what did i get out for my trouble? not shit. I’m alone. i want my man that can fulfill me, that can be there for me when i need him, that will love me for me, and be everything i need an want him to be. I want a man that will be real with me, wont cheat or lie, wont make me feel worthless and like shit. i want a man that loves me no matter what, a man that i can be myself around, i want a man that i can be best friends with, i want a man that knows everything about me an doesn’t judge, he accepts and loves me as i am, i want a man that i can tell anything to an one who feels that he can tell me anything, i don’t want secrets or lies, i want a man i can trust completely with my life, my heart, my body, my future children, with everything about me, i want a man, a real man, not a lil boy, or a man that doesn’t know who or what he is or what he wants

i don’t want a man that makes me have second thoughts about our relationship, i don’t want a man that makes me regret my decisions, i don’t want a man that i cant trust or respect. i don’t want a man that makes me feel like I’m on the bottom of his list of people that he loves and wants to be around. i don’t want a man that is useless to me physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Loneliness

loneliness is a wraith to the soul, haunting and calling for company that either takes its time in coming or refuses to arrive at all, the cold torture of being alone with no company and comfort in sight

Ache

Inside I ache,

I do not know what I ache for; all I know is that I am empty in side. It is an emptiness that I force myself to hide. I ache for understanding, caring, patience, and love. I crave a shoulder to cry on, a rock to support me, a pillar to hold me up. A lifeline to keep me going. Someone to hold me, to wipe my tears, to comfort my fears, someone who can make me laugh when I cry, who will let me try, someone who will remain by my side, someone who will not let me hide myself away, who sticks with me day by day. Someone who can keep me out of trouble, and be there on the double when they are needed, someone who loves me for me, no matter how I am; thick, thin, happy, sad, elated, mad, moody, disgruntle, complicated, materialistic, ungrateful, closeted, shielded. Someone who will accept me as I am, an not change me for any reason. Someone who enjoys being in my company, someone who can keep me entertained, and someone I genuinely want to be around. Someone who is my equal: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically. Someone for me.

Promise Me

Promise me that you'll never let me go, promise me that if I do something wrong, that you'll let me know, promise me that you'll let me in, that you'll show and tell me when you're happy, mad or sad, promise me that'll your feelings for me won't change promise me we will make this work, promise me that you'll always be there, promise me you'll tell me I’m beautiful no matter how I look or what I wear or even how I style my hair, promise me that you love me for now and that you will as long as you can, promise me you will be my rock and my man promise me that you'll always be my biggest fan promise me that I’ll always be yours just promise please I need stability, I need love, I need reassurance, and I need you.

Money

Money is the root of everything nowadays. Greed, Lust, Stress, Heartache and Headaches. Everyone has money on their mind, whether they have it or not. Everyone needs it and most people do not have it. Money is needed to pay bills, buy food, go to school, have a car, or just to experience life. It corrupts people, once a person gets some money they usually change, for the worst most times. It also corrupts people when they do not have any. They are always looking for more, begging and borrowing from friends and companies that put them further in debt. Money is needed for everything nowadays and without it, almost no one can function in today’s society properly.

Past and Future

Why is it when you are really feeling someone and start falling in love with them, things from your past come back to haunt you? Every time I try to find happiness with a new guy, a past mistake or ex comes back into my life and puts up a road block. I cannot outrun my mistakes or the people I tried to eject from my life. Feelings need to know how to run their course and stay gone. They do not need to disappear and then resurface it only confuses and messes up things. I wish that I could move on and stay moved on. But, I keep revisiting memories back in the good days when things were going right and I felt safe and loved all day an night. I remember when things were going right for the first time in my life and I felt at peace. An then it all went horribly wrong and it ended. And now when I'm trying to find a new happiness the old one keeps knocking at my door, saying hello and asking to try once more. And I have to say no, because I either hurt my future by revisting my past or ruin a rekindled past by choosing to risk a chance of love with my future. Either way I have to make a decision and will most likely end of getting hurt. I just hope that I make the right decision for once and learn to read my heart.

New Blog

I have decided to change my blog from my poetry to me ranting about things that I witness and realize everyday. I have a lot on my mind and I need to get it all out. I have my opinions and I think they should be heard just as much as everyone else's. I have that right. Sure, my opinions might not always be valid or make sense, but they're still mine and they still mean something. So yea, I'm changing my blog. It's gonna be different from now on, it's gonna be filled with my thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

My Mother

My Mother Sonnet

My mother is very strong
Her life has been hard
Her body beaten and scarred
But she is still going on

She has birthed five kids
She also married two men
Been to hell and back again
Her life is full of gambles and bids

Working eight hours a day
Trying to keep her head up
Trying to not overfill her cup
Not letting one penny go astray

My mother has led a long life
But she will not be overwhelmed by her strife

Sorry

Sorry for not being there when you need me

Sorry for not attempting to care

Sorry for not caring if you are lonely

Sorry for leaving you bare



Sorry for not returning your love

Sorry for not saying goodbye

Sorry for always falling short of

Your expectations, for making you cry



Sorry for not being the best

Sorry for not loving you the most

Sorry for putting our love to the test

Sorry for using you as a post



Sorry for all of my flaws

Sorry for being your lost cause



Sorry I wasn’t good enough for you

But it’s time to stop living my life for you.

most beautiful woman to me

"The Most Beautiful Woman I Know"
LaKeshia Johnson

the most beautiful woman to me
is my great-grandmother you see
she is everything i wish to be
she is the main reason i wish to succeed

when you look into her eyes
you see such a large
amount of wisdom that
you are struck with surprise


her faced is lined with
the wrinkles of age
she has the look
of a knowledgeable sage
her hands stiffened
and broken because
of the ravages of arthritis
and yet her body
is still standing
upright and strong

my grandmother has lived
through some of the worst
periods of history
she has seen and been through
events that no one should be
forced to go through

she is strong
inside and out
she has not buckled
under the hardships
that have befallen
her throughout
her long life

she has stood firm
during WWII,
the Depression,
Pearl Harbor,
Cold War
Korean and Vietnam wars,
countless presidents,
nuclear war crisis,
communists and much more

even more dear to heart
she has survived
having children,
two marriages,
strict upbringing,
working in different economy
being a mother, a wife, a sister,
a friend, and a woman during
disturbing periods of history.


she has stood strong in a life
that would have broken lesser
women and even men

she is beautiful to me
because she is strong
she has been through so much
and she is still there for her family
she is the tree that
holds us all together
she is always there for us
giving us everything she can
and then some
even the shirt off her back
if we need it
she is unselfish, loving,
and maternal in every
sense of the word.
she is the most beautiful woman
i know because she is the
meaning of a woman

she is strong, loving, giving,
caring, wise, knowing, stern,
and so so so much more

ache

Inside I ache, I do not know what I ache for, all I know is that I am empty inside. It is an emptiness that I force myself to hide. I ache for understanding, caring, patience, and love. I crave a shoulder to cry on, a rock to support me, a pillar to hold me up. A lifeline to keep me going. Someone to hold me, to wipe my tears, to comfort my fears, someone who can make me laugh when I cry, who will let me try, someone who will remain by my side, someone who will not let me hide my self away, who sticks with me day by day.

Someone who will take me to new heights, who will help me win my fights. Someone who can keep me out of trouble and be there on the double when they are needed. Someone who loves me for me, no matter how I am; thick, thin, happy, sad, elated, mad, moody, disgruntled, complicated, materialistic, closeted, shielded. Someone who will accept me as I am, and not change me for any reason. Someone who enjoys being in my company, someone who can keep me entertained, and someone I genuinely want to be around. Someone who is my equal: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically. Someone for me.

cliques

who you hang with,
how you dress,
what you do in
high school
determines
who you are,
which clique
you're in, how
high school will
go for you

if you're smart
you are a nerd
if you're an athlete
you are a jock
super pretty, perky,preppy
shoe in for a cheerleader
always wear black, creative,
misunderstood, little creepy
drop in for a punk/goth

in high school
everyone is given
a label, a name,
a place, a sterotype

boundaries are placed,
lines are drawn
rarely do cliques mix
and if they do
it is a slight miracle

Cheated

When you are cheated on,
It's like a knife through the heart
twisting, cutting, killing.

The pain is unfathomable
the anguish unimaginable.

Feelings of not being good enough
Or up to snuff
of being alone

Confusion blending
with anger
hate filtering out
the need to cuss
and shout

Feeling of being betrayed
and made
to look like a fool
an old, used up tool.

Gossip

Gossip is a
deadly thing.
It has the power
to ruin lives
to break hearts,
split friendships,
and turn a person
that was once whole
into fragmented
little pieces.

The spreading of
gossip weakens
humanity, destroys
trust and
innocence.

Gossip is powerful
and swift.
It moves faster
than truth and
is much more
dangerous.

Gossip is the
tool meant for
destruction.
It can kill
a person's reputation,
self-esteem, and
future in the
span of a day,
week, or month.

It moves quickly
by way of mouth,
Internet, and daily
forms of communication.

It is just as
effective as poison
because it kills a
person from the
inside out


Unless

Unless
They are strong
of mind
of body
and of spirit.


A person has
the power to
defeat gossip's
influence.
Instead of being
overwhelmed and
crushed, they can
stand strong
and stand by
truth.

A person that
ignores gossip
and keeps
their ground
will come out
unscathed.

Words to Live By



Be Strong

Be Bright

Put Yourself in the Light



Step out of the Shadows

Let Yourself

Be Heard

Step Forward

Don’t Be

Scurred



Let People In

Let Them See the Real You

Give Them a View

Let Them Know You



Embrace Yourself

Accept Yourself

And You Will Forever

Live in Happiness



Let Others into your Life

Let Them Help You

Through

The Everyday Strife



Open the Window to Your

Soul

And You Will Be Whole

loss of a friend

loss of a friend

the deep sorrow
of losing a
treasured friend
will never truly
go away something
will jerk at a
memory and
a smile and
a small tear
will spring
to your face

they are never
truly gone,
a piece of them
will remain in
your heart always,
they may not be
there in body but
their spirit will be
there to guide you,
amuse you, and
help you through
your own journey
through life.